Chris Cornell

In 1992, I was a high school senior.  I was trying to find my place in the world, but really kind of failing.  I had some great friends, but all wasn't particularly well at home.  I struggled with depression (and still do) and dreamed about going somewhere else.  Anywhere else.  I felt out of place in small town Iowa.  Still do.  When people ask me when I'm coming home, I always wince.  For the portion of my life that I've had a choice, I've largely chosen to live elsewhere.

Especially for the golden high school years, my life had it's own soundtrack. Freshman year, I was all Guns N' Roses and Skid Row all the time.  I got harder, grittier- listening to Slayer and Megadeth, Anthrax and whatever else was on Headbangers Ball and weirdly even New Kids On the Block.   Pearl Jam hit big and my eyes opened on Nirvana, Soundgarden, Mother Love Bone and Faith No More.  Temple of the Dog.  Blind Melon. These bands didn't have the same sound.  Not even a little.  What they had was their finger on the pulse of my generation.

A key feature of my 1991-1992 soundtrack was Soundgarden's Badmotorfinger.    Especially "Outshined"

Its lyrics put into eloquence that which I still struggle to express.

I got up feeling so down
I got off being sold out
I've kept the movie rolling
But the story's getting old now, oh yeah
I just looked in the mirror
And things aren't looking so good
I'm looking California and feeling Minnesota, oh yeah

So now you know, who gets mystified
So now you know, who gets mystified

Show me the power child
I'd like to say
That I'm down on my knees today
Yeah, it gives me butterflies, gives me away
Till I'm up on my feet again
Yeah I'm feeling
Oh, I'm feeling outshined, outshined, outshined, outshined

Oh yeah
Yeah
Someone let the dogs out
They'll show where the truth is
The grass is always greener
Where the dogs are shitting, oh yeah
I'm feeling that I'm sober
Even though I'm drinking
I can't get any lower
Still I feel I'm sinking

I'm sure Chris Cornell didn't mean to speak to the depression of full force teen angst that I still haven't outgrown.  But he did.  

The world lost Chris Cornell on Wednesday night.  My heart goes out to his family and friends.    The world won't be able to measure the impact Chris had on music.  I can't express the impact his voice had on my youth. 

I just want to curl up on the couch, listen to Soundgarden and watch Singles and cry.   But I've got to adult, so I'm just going to be little bit heartbroken for a while.  RIP, Chris.